Thursday, May 31, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
I might have seen China today
As I'm sure I mentioned earlier (stuffed if I'm going to back-read my own blog), I spend essentially all my time here either in the wonderful 5-star hotel I'm staying in, or the factories we are here to commission the business of. So the "China" I am apparently living in it mostly a legend to me. I get glimpses of it from car windows and restaurant tables, and I'm constantly told I should avoid it at night, but I'm itching for the chance to make acquaintances. Most of all some new friends would be nice - not that all my current ones aren't special, yes you are, but you're a little...inaccessible at the moment. Or maybe that's me. Its all relative. Either way, doing stuff on my own has never been my specialty, so I wouldn't mind the chance to arrange some partners in crime.
So far, the only window I've really had is through the hotel restaurant staff. The manager is a 25year old woman with fairly decent English, and after chatting to her for a bit we've become mates of a sort, though we don't exactly have much chance to hang out. I can't say "do you want to watch a dvd or something", seeing as fraternising with the customers is an unwritten no-no. However, by chance today I passed up the chance to go to the city with the Takeya crew, and at lunch she said she was going to the local mall, for nothing in particular. She didn't complain to my tagging along, so we caught the hotel bus into town.
Strolling through the streets can hardly be called "strolling", with people walking all over broken footpaths, cars doing what cars do here - which is more beeping than driving - and construction zones all over the show, with no real barrier between construction and pedestrians. All in all you feel like you're very much in a living and breathing society, just with a lot of coughing and wheezing along the way. And all this in 30 seconds from the bus to the mall.
The mall itself could only be referred to using words like "grandeur", with a massive circular space in the centre that extended through 6 floors to the ceiling, which was coated in upside-down umbrellas. I think it was art, but they may have been there to catch any leakages in the roof.
This caption has nothing to do with the above picture.
Throat-warbler mangrove.
I didn't really buy anything outstanding at the mall, but I did decide to go food shopping. At first this was nothing special - some Snickers, pestachios, fruit jellies (classic China there). But then we passed the produce, and the durians caught my eye.
Durians: Prickly pears of stench.These are Thai fruit which I think we have on occasion in New Zealand, massive prickly things that look like they would hurt more than taste good.
I've never had one, but Vivian (the restaurant girl) said they tasted good, but smelt something fierce. Later on her godfather was to refer to the smell as "like the shit of a cat". He wasn't wrong. Like strong cheese and onions. A smell I can't term as bad, but intense, and something you'd expect from a really heavy hot dog rather than a fruit. Still, it tasted good, though I had to chuck most of it because my room was lacking oxygen. I recommend the tasting part, just don't invite a man carrying a durian into your home.
We were gonna hit some shoe stores in the everlasting quest to find shoes in Asia that fit me, but the rain came down on a colossal scale, the streets were flashflooded and a state of emergency was called. Well, not quite, but it certainly felt like I'd finally experienced "monsoon season". China doesn't really give the image of a country prepared for large amounts of rain, which is surprising considering how much there is. You think they'd get wise and plan for it.
People shelter in the mall entranceway from precipitating chaos.
But then again, you think New Zealanders would get wise that it gets cold in the winter, and properly seal and double glaze the windows. We're all a bunch of slackers.
I watched El Laberinto del Fauno ('Pan's Labyrinth') last night, a Spanish movie by impressive director Guillermo del Toro. It was great, though I'm slightly unsure what the target audience is. Maybe it's people like me, who like a good genre-mixer, aren't afraid of blood, especially if it's original. Would be best described as a gruesome fairy tale. All I can say is, I freakin love Español. Learning lots of Chinese here, but I'd rather be speaking Spanish. It's such a fun language to speak - maybe its because I feel the need to say every word of it as an impression of Bela Lugosi.
Dinner time.
So far, the only window I've really had is through the hotel restaurant staff. The manager is a 25year old woman with fairly decent English, and after chatting to her for a bit we've become mates of a sort, though we don't exactly have much chance to hang out. I can't say "do you want to watch a dvd or something", seeing as fraternising with the customers is an unwritten no-no. However, by chance today I passed up the chance to go to the city with the Takeya crew, and at lunch she said she was going to the local mall, for nothing in particular. She didn't complain to my tagging along, so we caught the hotel bus into town.
Strolling through the streets can hardly be called "strolling", with people walking all over broken footpaths, cars doing what cars do here - which is more beeping than driving - and construction zones all over the show, with no real barrier between construction and pedestrians. All in all you feel like you're very much in a living and breathing society, just with a lot of coughing and wheezing along the way. And all this in 30 seconds from the bus to the mall.
The mall itself could only be referred to using words like "grandeur", with a massive circular space in the centre that extended through 6 floors to the ceiling, which was coated in upside-down umbrellas. I think it was art, but they may have been there to catch any leakages in the roof.
This caption has nothing to do with the above picture.
Throat-warbler mangrove.
I didn't really buy anything outstanding at the mall, but I did decide to go food shopping. At first this was nothing special - some Snickers, pestachios, fruit jellies (classic China there). But then we passed the produce, and the durians caught my eye.
Durians: Prickly pears of stench.
I've never had one, but Vivian (the restaurant girl) said they tasted good, but smelt something fierce. Later on her godfather was to refer to the smell as "like the shit of a cat". He wasn't wrong. Like strong cheese and onions. A smell I can't term as bad, but intense, and something you'd expect from a really heavy hot dog rather than a fruit. Still, it tasted good, though I had to chuck most of it because my room was lacking oxygen. I recommend the tasting part, just don't invite a man carrying a durian into your home.
We were gonna hit some shoe stores in the everlasting quest to find shoes in Asia that fit me, but the rain came down on a colossal scale, the streets were flashflooded and a state of emergency was called. Well, not quite, but it certainly felt like I'd finally experienced "monsoon season". China doesn't really give the image of a country prepared for large amounts of rain, which is surprising considering how much there is. You think they'd get wise and plan for it.
People shelter in the mall entranceway from precipitating chaos.
But then again, you think New Zealanders would get wise that it gets cold in the winter, and properly seal and double glaze the windows. We're all a bunch of slackers.
I watched El Laberinto del Fauno ('Pan's Labyrinth') last night, a Spanish movie by impressive director Guillermo del Toro. It was great, though I'm slightly unsure what the target audience is. Maybe it's people like me, who like a good genre-mixer, aren't afraid of blood, especially if it's original. Would be best described as a gruesome fairy tale. All I can say is, I freakin love Español. Learning lots of Chinese here, but I'd rather be speaking Spanish. It's such a fun language to speak - maybe its because I feel the need to say every word of it as an impression of Bela Lugosi.
Dinner time.
Monday, May 21, 2007
A Chinaman by any other name...
It's been raining here for the past 4 days. We had a massive thunderstorm, like only Asia knows how to have - my favourites. It kicks serious ass being able to feel the thunder when a bolt hits close-by. Think I'd like to avoid feeling the lightning though.
So the raining pouring down makes driving (or at least being driven) all the more fun. You just know when the car is shooting down the road (that feels like it suffered an airstrike in some places) at 80, with everything drenched that if something bad happened, there's no way the car would stop or even slow down in time. The fact that the driver is the only one who bothers to wear a seatbelt also means that we're in a timebomb on wheels. Half the time in taxis the rear seatbelts are actually removed, or at least the bottom clips are pushed so far into the cushion there's no way you'd get them out (this is also common in Japan), so you don't even get to choose your peril. Stats in Japan say you're 4x more likely to die in a car crash if you're in the back without a seatbelt than if you "make it click" (0.01% vs 0.04% if I remember correctly). So I had a brief pondering of my fate in the carride home tonight, secretly praying that the last minutes I had on Earth were not packed in a car with 40-year old grumpy Japanese.
Anyway, my post today was supposed to be more chipper. With the rain and nothing to do but work its hard to look on the bright side, but even work has its moments. Such as the giggles I've been working hard to stifle when receiving business cards of the Chinese correspondants we have. I don't mean to be rude, and most of the time the guys are pretty neat, but there are some pretty cruel names kicking about.
Without further ado, for your viewing pleasure, here are some examples:
I would pay this guy a lot of money if he would only marry
Miss Tang.
His hobbies include beehives and porridge.
I'm fairly sure that the staff of SpeedTech are descended from the Navajo, which explains the nature names. My personal favourite, not least of all because he looks like an Asian Peter Pan, is:
That's a surname. His first name is actually "Lo".
Beautiful.
Ooh. I just got some spam. Subject: "URGENT: I Costume".
People don't even try with spam anymore. Spam got weird on us while we weren't looking; took some bad acid or something.
I'm off - have a good <your time of day here>
So the raining pouring down makes driving (or at least being driven) all the more fun. You just know when the car is shooting down the road (that feels like it suffered an airstrike in some places) at 80, with everything drenched that if something bad happened, there's no way the car would stop or even slow down in time. The fact that the driver is the only one who bothers to wear a seatbelt also means that we're in a timebomb on wheels. Half the time in taxis the rear seatbelts are actually removed, or at least the bottom clips are pushed so far into the cushion there's no way you'd get them out (this is also common in Japan), so you don't even get to choose your peril. Stats in Japan say you're 4x more likely to die in a car crash if you're in the back without a seatbelt than if you "make it click" (0.01% vs 0.04% if I remember correctly). So I had a brief pondering of my fate in the carride home tonight, secretly praying that the last minutes I had on Earth were not packed in a car with 40-year old grumpy Japanese.
Anyway, my post today was supposed to be more chipper. With the rain and nothing to do but work its hard to look on the bright side, but even work has its moments. Such as the giggles I've been working hard to stifle when receiving business cards of the Chinese correspondants we have. I don't mean to be rude, and most of the time the guys are pretty neat, but there are some pretty cruel names kicking about.
Without further ado, for your viewing pleasure, here are some examples:
I would pay this guy a lot of money if he would only marry
Miss Tang.
His hobbies include beehives and porridge.
I'm fairly sure that the staff of SpeedTech are descended from the Navajo, which explains the nature names. My personal favourite, not least of all because he looks like an Asian Peter Pan, is:
That's a surname. His first name is actually "Lo".
Beautiful.
Ooh. I just got some spam. Subject: "URGENT: I Costume".
People don't even try with spam anymore. Spam got weird on us while we weren't looking; took some bad acid or something.
I'm off - have a good <your time of day here>
Friday, May 18, 2007
So, that Chinese food...
Friday night. I used to like Friday nights. The whole weekend ahead of you. Now I'm only fond of Friday nights. This is mainly biased by the fact that have work tomorrow. It's hard to like any evening that precedes work. This is a feeling I think everyone learns about at the age of 7ish, and the dreaded concept of a "school-night". Though those words make for cool parody.
Cuisine in China so far hasn't been too taxing. Why, just the other day I had... well, there was McDonalds yesterday, KFC a few days ago, and today I ate...steak...
To be honest, this is driving me crazy - the guys I'm with are the dictators of not only my work, but essentially my biological intake. They decide what time and where I eat, and whether or not I'll get the chance to clean my teeth after breakfast, not to mention how long I'll sit waiting at the hotel restaurant table for everyone to finish, so we can pay the bill together and leave. I don't want to sit while they have 3 cigarettes - I want to go make the most of the small timespan I get to call an "evening".
What's more, with all the Chinese food I could be sampling and enjoying (or regurgitating, either way is an experience), my bosses aren't really partial to the stuff, and so we don't eat it. 90% of dinner is at the hotel, which has menus of Portuguese, Japanese, Italian, Malaysian/Indonesian, and even a grilled menu featuring American, and -yes- New Zealand beef...but precious little in authentic Chinese food. And then for lunch, well: I've had 11 lunches since I arrived; 3 McDonalds, 2 KFC, 3 Japanese, and 1 New Zealand sirloin (I HAD to, I can't even get that in Japan too easily). So just the 2 "Chinese" meals, and they were both "lunchbox takeaways" - not official restaurant stuff. I'd just go out and find something to eat myself, but where I am doesn't really give much in the way of escape routes so far. I will make it my quest later on to find a restaurant that serves me something that costs a buck, and makes me sick for a day. Bring it on.
This is, a tasty burger.
McDonalds in China isn't too bad - the fries are horrible, but the Big Macs are still Big Macs, and the Quarter Pounder actually has a chunky piece of meat (easy tiger), and some spicy sauce hidden inside. Check it out.
KFC, however, is just concerning.
The chicken's good (bar the obvious "Watch out! Bird Flu!" warning bells that ring in my head when I eat it). What got me, was the standard side was not fries (though you can ask for them), but PEAS. And not nice
One of these sides just doesn't belong.fresh garden peas with melting butter, but slightly defrosted flaking peas in a sauce I can only assume is comprised of 2 parts peanut, 3 parts oil and 1 part vomit. MMM-mmm. Can't wait to get my ass back down to KFC for some o' those vomit peas. What do I look like, a friggin' baby bird?
What's more is, and maybe this is just my fault for not knowing the language, but I ordered what I thought was a standard chicken fillet burger. But oh no-sir! Lo and behold, when I sank my salivating canines into this mystery burger, I nearly retched. What, is this chicken mouldy? No, it's just mashed up and mixed with peas and carrots. It wasn't that bad by the time I finished it (the mayonnaise held it over), but certainly shock value there. Hey kids, let's eat a burger made of the kind of stuff we spoon-feed Grandpa!
Ahem. Waiter, there's crap in my burger.
Nah, I'd give up Maccas and the Colonel for good old Kiwi steak, and it's awesome to find it here. This is what I call a meal.
In other news (there's always "other news" with me), I decided to make use of my webcam (seeing as I can't use it for vidchat; the net here is far too slow). I figured I might try attaching a live pic of myself each time I post here. I hesitate to use the words "each time", because my habits change far too often to do anything by "routine". I mean, its a wonder I manage to leave my room at the same time every morning, wearing clothes and everything. Anyway, bon appetit.
PS. If I look tired, and you don't know why, go away. You're too stupid. You must be at least <----this----> smart to read my blog.
Cuisine in China so far hasn't been too taxing. Why, just the other day I had... well, there was McDonalds yesterday, KFC a few days ago, and today I ate...steak...
To be honest, this is driving me crazy - the guys I'm with are the dictators of not only my work, but essentially my biological intake. They decide what time and where I eat, and whether or not I'll get the chance to clean my teeth after breakfast, not to mention how long I'll sit waiting at the hotel restaurant table for everyone to finish, so we can pay the bill together and leave. I don't want to sit while they have 3 cigarettes - I want to go make the most of the small timespan I get to call an "evening".
What's more, with all the Chinese food I could be sampling and enjoying (or regurgitating, either way is an experience), my bosses aren't really partial to the stuff, and so we don't eat it. 90% of dinner is at the hotel, which has menus of Portuguese, Japanese, Italian, Malaysian/Indonesian, and even a grilled menu featuring American, and -yes- New Zealand beef...but precious little in authentic Chinese food. And then for lunch, well: I've had 11 lunches since I arrived; 3 McDonalds, 2 KFC, 3 Japanese, and 1 New Zealand sirloin (I HAD to, I can't even get that in Japan too easily). So just the 2 "Chinese" meals, and they were both "lunchbox takeaways" - not official restaurant stuff. I'd just go out and find something to eat myself, but where I am doesn't really give much in the way of escape routes so far. I will make it my quest later on to find a restaurant that serves me something that costs a buck, and makes me sick for a day. Bring it on.
This is, a tasty burger.
McDonalds in China isn't too bad - the fries are horrible, but the Big Macs are still Big Macs, and the Quarter Pounder actually has a chunky piece of meat (easy tiger), and some spicy sauce hidden inside. Check it out.
KFC, however, is just concerning.
The chicken's good (bar the obvious "Watch out! Bird Flu!" warning bells that ring in my head when I eat it). What got me, was the standard side was not fries (though you can ask for them), but PEAS. And not nice
One of these sides just doesn't belong.
What's more is, and maybe this is just my fault for not knowing the language, but I ordered what I thought was a standard chicken fillet burger. But oh no-sir! Lo and behold, when I sank my salivating canines into this mystery burger, I nearly retched. What, is this chicken mouldy? No, it's just mashed up and mixed with peas and carrots. It wasn't that bad by the time I finished it (the mayonnaise held it over), but certainly shock value there. Hey kids, let's eat a burger made of the kind of stuff we spoon-feed Grandpa!
Ahem. Waiter, there's crap in my burger.
Nah, I'd give up Maccas and the Colonel for good old Kiwi steak, and it's awesome to find it here. This is what I call a meal.
In other news (there's always "other news" with me), I decided to make use of my webcam (seeing as I can't use it for vidchat; the net here is far too slow). I figured I might try attaching a live pic of myself each time I post here. I hesitate to use the words "each time", because my habits change far too often to do anything by "routine". I mean, its a wonder I manage to leave my room at the same time every morning, wearing clothes and everything. Anyway, bon appetit.
PS. If I look tired, and you don't know why, go away. You're too stupid. You must be at least <----this----> smart to read my blog.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Sounds kinda Sci-Fi
The subject of one of my items of my spam box at gmail this morning:
Hymen Destroyer
I want to meet the people who make these things. But from behind one-way mirrors.
I want to meet the people who make these things. But from behind one-way mirrors.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Intarweb, I heart you so
My email was down at work today. This is a regular occurence in China, apparently. Someone decided to send me a 4mb picture, and my computer spent 6 hours (and 4 failed attempts) trying to download it. I hate Outlook because you can't choose what emails you want to download. If someone decides to forward their work to the whole company (a regular occurence), then I have to download and sift through steaming piles of useless email.
So, no email = no work here at the moment, so I had to kill most of the day looking busy while not getting bored.
The Top 5 Websites I Visit While Bored At Work (while trying to look busy)
1. Wikipedia ("Geek's Paradise")
2. Yellowfever.co.nz
3. About.com
4. Isohunt
5. YahooXtra
Number 5 is to keep up with news at home, fullstop. Number 4 is to *gasp* download shit at work! I know this sounds naughty, but for all the strict rules run at my company, one thing they don't do is monitor net traffic. The connection is far from lightning, both here and at the Osaka office, but I can get most of an ep of 24 at work, to get the rest and watch it that night. Fabulous.
About.com, which I have been neglecting of late, is to learn Spanish (why else?). "But shouldn't you be learning Chinese, Timothy?" I hear you inquire. Firstly, it's Tim, please. Secondly, Spanish is an awesome language, my girlfriend speaks it, and I'd like to add another notch to my language belt, if only to have private conversations with her. I have far more motivation to learn Spanish, but that's the way my whole life has been run: every major decision I've ever made was decided by a girl. It's worked out so far (well, sure there's hiccups, but all in stride).
Number 2 is the fansite of the newly born Wellington professional football team, the Phoenix. I don't really do board posting, but I think I may have finally found a board I am willing to share my opinion with. Sure, there are other boards that share my interests, but techno music boards just aggravate me because everyone is slightly arrogant over how much they love their electro.
Wikipedia, which would be dethroned by YouTube if I had access to sound at work, is the most fabulous invention utilising the net ever. Freedom of information on a mass scale. YouTube is the most entertaining site, but Wikipedia is the most interesting by a long shot. Maybe its just cos I'm a geek. I even use wikipedia regularly as a work reference, and for translation research. So you can imagine it completely busts my balls that you you can't access Wikipedia from China. I mean, that kind of attitude can make a guy hate a country in a heartbeat. Or at least hate the guys who run it.
I thought it was awesome that the last 3 days I've been unable to access my blog from the net here (as in, I could edit it, but I couldn't view it). I thought I'd been censored nationally for my comments on the nation. As it turns out, the net was just screwing up. Sad; here I was thinking I had a fairly impressive impact factor.
I'm a postmodern and popculture whore - sure, not as much as Chris, I can't stand Britney or Good Charlotte and I won't buy a Louis Vuitton wallet, but I love me my movies, gigs and fashion, yay I do's. So here in Anti-diverse-culture Central, where sure there's ads for Coke and make-up, but I'll be damned if I can find a film festival or drumnbass gig, the net is worth its weight* in gold.
*Wikipedia says the net weighs a mere 35.24 metric tons**.
**Of course it doesnt. Or maybe it does. How the hell should I know - I'm NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK IT UP.
~~Oh, you weren't laughing at the question, just the colour of my shirt~~
So, no email = no work here at the moment, so I had to kill most of the day looking busy while not getting bored.
The Top 5 Websites I Visit While Bored At Work (while trying to look busy)
1. Wikipedia ("Geek's Paradise")
2. Yellowfever.co.nz
3. About.com
4. Isohunt
5. YahooXtra
Number 5 is to keep up with news at home, fullstop. Number 4 is to *gasp* download shit at work! I know this sounds naughty, but for all the strict rules run at my company, one thing they don't do is monitor net traffic. The connection is far from lightning, both here and at the Osaka office, but I can get most of an ep of 24 at work, to get the rest and watch it that night. Fabulous.
About.com, which I have been neglecting of late, is to learn Spanish (why else?). "But shouldn't you be learning Chinese, Timothy?" I hear you inquire. Firstly, it's Tim, please. Secondly, Spanish is an awesome language, my girlfriend speaks it, and I'd like to add another notch to my language belt, if only to have private conversations with her. I have far more motivation to learn Spanish, but that's the way my whole life has been run: every major decision I've ever made was decided by a girl. It's worked out so far (well, sure there's hiccups, but all in stride).
Number 2 is the fansite of the newly born Wellington professional football team, the Phoenix. I don't really do board posting, but I think I may have finally found a board I am willing to share my opinion with. Sure, there are other boards that share my interests, but techno music boards just aggravate me because everyone is slightly arrogant over how much they love their electro.
Wikipedia, which would be dethroned by YouTube if I had access to sound at work, is the most fabulous invention utilising the net ever. Freedom of information on a mass scale. YouTube is the most entertaining site, but Wikipedia is the most interesting by a long shot. Maybe its just cos I'm a geek. I even use wikipedia regularly as a work reference, and for translation research. So you can imagine it completely busts my balls that you you can't access Wikipedia from China. I mean, that kind of attitude can make a guy hate a country in a heartbeat. Or at least hate the guys who run it.
I thought it was awesome that the last 3 days I've been unable to access my blog from the net here (as in, I could edit it, but I couldn't view it). I thought I'd been censored nationally for my comments on the nation. As it turns out, the net was just screwing up. Sad; here I was thinking I had a fairly impressive impact factor.
I'm a postmodern and popculture whore - sure, not as much as Chris, I can't stand Britney or Good Charlotte and I won't buy a Louis Vuitton wallet, but I love me my movies, gigs and fashion, yay I do's. So here in Anti-diverse-culture Central, where sure there's ads for Coke and make-up, but I'll be damned if I can find a film festival or drumnbass gig, the net is worth its weight* in gold.
*Wikipedia says the net weighs a mere 35.24 metric tons**.
**Of course it doesnt. Or maybe it does. How the hell should I know - I'm NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK IT UP.
~~Oh, you weren't laughing at the question, just the colour of my shirt~~
Trip to the city
Walmart: Breaking borders in the name of capitalism.
Got home late from work tonight for the second night in a row - was 9.30pm when we rolled into the hotel today. Its not like I have anything to really come home to, and working late here sucks far less than in Japan, but its still nice to have "Me time". Means I'd have more energy to write here. Still, I decided to post once every 2 days, and I'm trying not to break that - at least, not yet. After working at a computer all day, however, the last thing I really want to do is come home and, well, work on the computer. I feel like a member of Kraftwerk.
So I'm staying in a "town" in south-east China, but besides the large number of people, there's not a lot of things to suggest its a town. I mean, where does it end? And where the heck is the centre? Its more like a series of housing complexes constructed around a bunch of factories, and of course a hotel on a hill. So on Sunday when I heard we were gonna trip into the city, I was all about it. Bring on some shopping!
And thus, shopping was brought oneth. We hit Dongguan central, and the reason I know it was central is because they actually had facilities for living! Not to mention a bunch of big-as would-make-America-proud department stores. I spent most of my day in the Walmart "Supercenter". The wonderful thing about Chinese stores is, they look big and flashy, but they still sell the same knock-off crap you'd find in any street market in Asia. Lets take an inventory of what I bought and how much it cost me, eh?
If this was the movies, that guy would have
a sniper rifle hidden among the balloons.
"Armani" Jeans/"Levi" Jeans 120yuan each
"Puma" T-shirt 50 yuan
"Dunhill" cardholder 40 yuan
"Armani" Belt 80 yuan
3 "DVDs" + 1 "box-set" of Heroes 35yuan
"Bvlgari" Sunnies 230yuan
Now, consider that this is actually expensive by Chinese standards. Also consider that 10yuan = 1.30USD or thereabouts. I spent NZ$100 bucks on a new wardrobe and entertainment. Which may, or may not, fall apart on me in the next 4 days (the zippers on the jeans are particularly suspect). I am a fake-shit consumer whore, and how.
I love Chinese salesclerks. I mean, they're this hybrid of street merchant and standard shop assistant, which means they have that "Can I help you?" approach, steeled by some backstreets resilience. I told this lady 5 separate times to leave me alone, but she kept bringing out new stuff for my approval. Didn't help that she didn't really take into account my size, and when I said I liked something, she said they didn't have it that big. That's just teasing.
Traffic highlight of the day was seeing a guy on a moped trying to cut diagonally across an intersection full of cars, with his young daughter on his lap, and his wife on the back. He wouldn't get pulled over for that though - after a week's observation, I've concluded that the minimum number of passengers on a 50cc bike is 2, not counting the guy holding the handlebars. Its a grey-area rule, just like the one that says all drivers must have 2 wheels in the adjacent lane at all times. If you don't check your blind spot and change lanes into another car, it's not your fault, it's their's for not warning you to bugger off with their horn early enough.
On a final note, I think that Pepsi is winning the cola wars over here. It certainly tastes better than Japanese Coke. And looks like something from outerspace when it's written in Chinese. Check it out.
That can't be right. "Pepsi" is 5 letters.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Ass kicked by a girl
Today I went shopping at Chinese Walmart. But we'll come back to that later. I don't know how much I could write, seeing as all my muscles feel like jelly.
I received the first paid massage of my life this evening. At this hotel, for about 10 bucks a lady will come to your room and beat the crap out of you, for a whole hour. Sounds like a sordid affair, but I assure you, there was nothing personal about it. Unless you consider the mutilation of my back, shoulders and feet personal.
I don't really have a lot to go on, seeing as I've never had a massage in any other country, but I'd have to say it was fairly severe. I'm not complaining - it was great, but in that kind of "I don't know if I could go through that again for a bit" kind of way. I never knew a woman who looks as harmless as that (she was probably half my height, I wanted to take her photo to show you but she refused) could do so much damage with merely her thumbs and forearms. That's not to forget when she stood on my feet. I think I drew blood when I bit my lip.
Hats off to the lass though - my feet were cramping like hell from walking all day, but they feel good as new now. So despite the cringe factor, I'd have to say it was well worth it. Just not every day. It's a bit lowering to your self esteem to have a lady come to your room, take your money and leave you in pain too often.
In other news, I watched the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie last night. Cool as shit. Sure, its cheesy, and certainly not high on the plot level, but what I love the most is it didn't really feel like they were trying to "reinvent" it for the now-grown-up fans of the original. It's about the kids, and if I was 8 years old I think I'd fall in love with it all over again. It's not about how intricate the plot twists are, it's all about what Raphael has to say next (he does more talking than fighting), or how thick-headed Michaelangelo is. And the CG animation only makes it cooler. Cowabunga.
I received the first paid massage of my life this evening. At this hotel, for about 10 bucks a lady will come to your room and beat the crap out of you, for a whole hour. Sounds like a sordid affair, but I assure you, there was nothing personal about it. Unless you consider the mutilation of my back, shoulders and feet personal.
I don't really have a lot to go on, seeing as I've never had a massage in any other country, but I'd have to say it was fairly severe. I'm not complaining - it was great, but in that kind of "I don't know if I could go through that again for a bit" kind of way. I never knew a woman who looks as harmless as that (she was probably half my height, I wanted to take her photo to show you but she refused) could do so much damage with merely her thumbs and forearms. That's not to forget when she stood on my feet. I think I drew blood when I bit my lip.
Hats off to the lass though - my feet were cramping like hell from walking all day, but they feel good as new now. So despite the cringe factor, I'd have to say it was well worth it. Just not every day. It's a bit lowering to your self esteem to have a lady come to your room, take your money and leave you in pain too often.
In other news, I watched the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie last night. Cool as shit. Sure, its cheesy, and certainly not high on the plot level, but what I love the most is it didn't really feel like they were trying to "reinvent" it for the now-grown-up fans of the original. It's about the kids, and if I was 8 years old I think I'd fall in love with it all over again. It's not about how intricate the plot twists are, it's all about what Raphael has to say next (he does more talking than fighting), or how thick-headed Michaelangelo is. And the CG animation only makes it cooler. Cowabunga.
Friday, May 11, 2007
On a personal note (a bitch session)
So I'm not very happy tonight. I'm in this funny halfway place at work, where I'm Sales but I'm working with the Production and Quality Control guys, and I'm on one project, but the majority of work I actually get completed is for a different project, one I'm not actually directly attached to, so it takes me twice as long to get anything done on it, because I don't know jack about it. Then the guys I'm working with get pissed because all my time is taken up on this other thing, and they don't give me any work to do because they don't think I can cover it, which just makes me focus more on the other stuff, and them angrier. It culminated today in a mass ignoring session, where they decided I was almost on the bench for the whole thing. I couldn't let it slide - it was all really childish - and brought it up in dinner for a big heart-to-heart, where they slowly outlined and cut down my pride in a series of constructive criticisms.
The horrible thing is, they couldn't be more right and more wrong at the same time, and try explaining all that in a different language to guys old enough to be your father. I'd rather try my chances at a Vegas craps table.
It's true, if you compare me to anyone in the company (or any Japanese over the age of 15), I'm horrible at the Japanese part of my job. Research in English is hard enough - try it in an Asian language and watch your confidence plummet like a flying whale. So I end up asking questions instead of looking information up, which leads to asking what seem like lots of pointless questions. But its either that or spend 5 hours trying to find a symbol in 18 pages of symbols. So I need to get better, but I'll only do so if they rely on me more, and they won't until I get better. Curse of the novice. Its a well you have to work your ass off to get out of, but its a lonely process in this case.
Sometimes I wish there was another guy who sucked at Japanese as much as me in the company. The Chinese guys aren't perfect, but its not their position to be so. You could say its not mine either, but most of my work isn't talking to Americans, its talking to Japanese.
My seniors aren't bad guys. They just need to stop carrying me and then getting angry when I can't walk. But it's hard for them too. They've never been through this either.
Work sucks eh?
The horrible thing is, they couldn't be more right and more wrong at the same time, and try explaining all that in a different language to guys old enough to be your father. I'd rather try my chances at a Vegas craps table.
It's true, if you compare me to anyone in the company (or any Japanese over the age of 15), I'm horrible at the Japanese part of my job. Research in English is hard enough - try it in an Asian language and watch your confidence plummet like a flying whale. So I end up asking questions instead of looking information up, which leads to asking what seem like lots of pointless questions. But its either that or spend 5 hours trying to find a symbol in 18 pages of symbols. So I need to get better, but I'll only do so if they rely on me more, and they won't until I get better. Curse of the novice. Its a well you have to work your ass off to get out of, but its a lonely process in this case.
Sometimes I wish there was another guy who sucked at Japanese as much as me in the company. The Chinese guys aren't perfect, but its not their position to be so. You could say its not mine either, but most of my work isn't talking to Americans, its talking to Japanese.
My seniors aren't bad guys. They just need to stop carrying me and then getting angry when I can't walk. But it's hard for them too. They've never been through this either.
Work sucks eh?
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Room with a "Good View"
So I'm staying in this hotel in Zhangmutou, a small town that's a part of a big city, namely Dongguan. If these names aren't ringing bells, don't worry - China is very particular about the details it shares about itself, and while Beijing and Shanghai are a little too inconspicuous to keep from international eyes & ears, I doubt many people could name even the third largest city in China. Funnily enough, 3 of the 17 cities China has in the largest 100 in the world are in close vicinity, but to be honest in China its hard to tell what constitutes a city: everywhere seems to be a vast conglomeration of both nature and man - forests cropping up between hunks of apartment block. Its like the whole country was shaken in a giant 8-ball. And from the state of some places, you get the feeling people haven't picked up the pieces afterward yet.
Anyway, I was here to tell you about the hotel. For those of you playing the Google Earth game (and if you're not, you should, it gives you an immense feeling of power and affection over the entire world. How else can you fly from Spain to Vietnam in under 10 seconds? With Google Earth, everyone is Jesus) my hotel is located here. Mind this won't work if you don't have the Google Earth program. Wise up.
It's called "Hotel Good View", and as far as views go around here, it's hard to get any gooder. The view itself is equal parts beautiful and disgusting, kinda like looking at a model with mustard on her face. The hotel is apparently 5-stars, and its certainly a cut above some of the places nearby. The staff are hardcore with their aim to please, but sadly I have no idea what most of them are saying. They're not very good with gestures either; they don't make any, nor do they understand even the most simple ones (a girl didn't understand 8 fingers meant 8 people when we came down for breakfast at the restaurant). Now I know how every English teaching American white guy in Japan does when someone tries to talk to you in Japanese there. I never realised how useless it makes you feel. That's because I have all this splendid Japanese talent *shine*
The place has a "Mermaid" theme. I hear you say "Of course it does - that makes perfect sense", but I also hear the sarcasm in your voice, you cynic. They have a massage parlour which stinks of bordello, and a club which stinks of "strip" - the girls are all lined up outside to greet you if you walk by, and it feel like one of those "pick a girl, any girl" kind of places. But apparently they're actually nothing like that (I wouldn't know, I haven't been to either); they're genuinely just a club and a massage parlour. Trust my Anglo-Saxon self to jump to seedy conclusions. It's only because in New Zealand the only guys who would go to that kind of place would be seedy in the first place.
This evening I came back to find a questionnaire asking me how I liked things to prepared in my room each day. Sadly I think my suggestion of "several girls in lingerie djing" is going to fall on deaf ears. Some of the questions were legit, like "how often do you want your sheets changed?" But then some of them were just borderline OCD. I mean, "do you prefer your toilet seat to be up at all times?" which to me suggests they will be jumping in here at all hours just to check on the toilet. "How do you like your curtains?" Um, "Hanging by the window" should be just fine. Thanks. Now bugger off.
I can't really describe the place much better, so I decided to take some pictures. But then I realised pictures don't really show much in this case, so I shot a video. Then I couldn't upload it, so I cut it in half. So, without further ado, I give you my trip home yesterday evening, in 2 parts. Its mostly just a camera out the window of a car, and then I had to wind the window up so its a lot of darkness, but hey, modern art is shit.
Edit:
Later in the evening, I just got my laundry back from housekeeping. I ordered the Same Day Service, but I swear I didn't order the Shrink Wrap service. Oh well, I'm Kiwi, I can improvise (see below).
Notice my look of disappointment. Also notice my underwear. Its hard to make a plastic bag work for you.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Bring out the new China
Hope you don't mind if
I'm in the back.
I talk to you like I know you.
I do know you? Oh good, this should make things easier. How's things? Did that... "issue" clear up? Hope everything's swell.
Well now, hope you don't mind if I talk to you like you know everything that's been going on in my life in the last 6 months.
What's that? You have next-to-no-idea whats been going on in my life in the last 6 months? Well...this is going to suck for you. I haven't really got the time for a grand tour. We'll just have to do the "Lost" thing, where you pick up the backstory piece by piece as you go along. Or like how I do with the "Lost" thing, which is turning the TV off and walking away. Back to things that don't take forever to get to the point. Judging by this post, is that hypocritical?
OK, so to summarize:
- October 2006: Can't find job in Japan, decide to go back to NZ.
- (Also) October 2006: Find job at plastic manufacturer in the International Sales section, entirely by chance as I am introduced by a friend of my girlfriend.
- November 2006: Enter company in the Quality Control section
- December 2006: Nearly die of boredom from checking boxes full of plastic goods and not much else for 10 hours a day.
- April 2007: Enter Sales section of company. Much rejoicing.
- (Also) April 2007: Learn I'm going to China on a business trip... for HALF A YEAR.
- May 2007: Arrive in China...
Righto, that should be enough backstory.
So I got here on Monday, and now its Tuesday, and still the gloss of novelty hasn't worn off. Although in China's case, its less of a gloss and more of a carbon-powdery thick sauce, that's probably bright brown. The place is everything I thought it would be, and more of the same. Our Chinese staff members picked us up late afternoon from Shenzhen (a 45 min ferry ride from Hong Kong), and drove us the hour or so to the hotel. When I say "drove", it was more like "scared the shit out of us". But it was hardly his fault. I mean, who's to blame when even buses don't indicate when changing lanes, people don't so much walk across the road as stop for a picnic there, and your only personal weapon (besides the barely steerable missle you happen to be seated in) is the tiny horn, which everyone seems to have an obligation to use at least 3 times a minute. Its a beautiful dangerous opera, a chaos theorician's wet dream. There are an armada of different
A man makes the bold decision to carry his entire
diaper collection across a bustling intersection on
the back of a genuine 9th century cartvehicles, but some recurring personalities: my personal favourite is the 30-something male on a tiny moped, ugly as sin, and with more boxes strapped to the back than there is him and bike put together. I want to know if they all carry the same things in the boxes, and I secretly hope that it's lots of little round things, like marbles or oranges, so that if he crashes they go rolling everywhere. That would make my day (though probably not his).
So anyway, not dead yet after 2 days of being driven around, but I still feel that thrill stepping into a car that you might get climbing into a rollercoaster, or looking over the edge of a steep cliff. Never a dull day in Chinese commution.
I might try and make posting about China a regular thing, if I have the time on my hands, but then again maybe not. Either way, any questions?
I'm in the back.
I talk to you like I know you.
I do know you? Oh good, this should make things easier. How's things? Did that... "issue" clear up? Hope everything's swell.
Well now, hope you don't mind if I talk to you like you know everything that's been going on in my life in the last 6 months.
What's that? You have next-to-no-idea whats been going on in my life in the last 6 months? Well...this is going to suck for you. I haven't really got the time for a grand tour. We'll just have to do the "Lost" thing, where you pick up the backstory piece by piece as you go along. Or like how I do with the "Lost" thing, which is turning the TV off and walking away. Back to things that don't take forever to get to the point. Judging by this post, is that hypocritical?
OK, so to summarize:
- October 2006: Can't find job in Japan, decide to go back to NZ.
- (Also) October 2006: Find job at plastic manufacturer in the International Sales section, entirely by chance as I am introduced by a friend of my girlfriend.
- November 2006: Enter company in the Quality Control section
- December 2006: Nearly die of boredom from checking boxes full of plastic goods and not much else for 10 hours a day.
- April 2007: Enter Sales section of company. Much rejoicing.
- (Also) April 2007: Learn I'm going to China on a business trip... for HALF A YEAR.
- May 2007: Arrive in China...
Righto, that should be enough backstory.
So I got here on Monday, and now its Tuesday, and still the gloss of novelty hasn't worn off. Although in China's case, its less of a gloss and more of a carbon-powdery thick sauce, that's probably bright brown. The place is everything I thought it would be, and more of the same. Our Chinese staff members picked us up late afternoon from Shenzhen (a 45 min ferry ride from Hong Kong), and drove us the hour or so to the hotel. When I say "drove", it was more like "scared the shit out of us". But it was hardly his fault. I mean, who's to blame when even buses don't indicate when changing lanes, people don't so much walk across the road as stop for a picnic there, and your only personal weapon (besides the barely steerable missle you happen to be seated in) is the tiny horn, which everyone seems to have an obligation to use at least 3 times a minute. Its a beautiful dangerous opera, a chaos theorician's wet dream. There are an armada of different
A man makes the bold decision to carry his entire
diaper collection across a bustling intersection on
the back of a genuine 9th century cart
So anyway, not dead yet after 2 days of being driven around, but I still feel that thrill stepping into a car that you might get climbing into a rollercoaster, or looking over the edge of a steep cliff. Never a dull day in Chinese commution.
I might try and make posting about China a regular thing, if I have the time on my hands, but then again maybe not. Either way, any questions?
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Phoenix Foundation - Hitchcock
This is my favourite New Zealand music video. Simple, yet so beautiful. Song's not bad either.
Letter of Assurance
No, this isn't a post to assure you I am alive. Well, maybe in a way it is. I haven't posted on here in so long and I have to apologise for that - not that I'm assuming I have regular readers, but I figure anyone who knows me and was hoping to use this as a way of telling double-you-tee-eff I'm up to must be either screaming at the computer saying "Blog, you white bastard!", or have given up hope and have compiled messages for my eulogy. Hey, free to dream.
But I think that if I apologise now, I'm just going to do it again, and apologise again, and then the integrity of my remorse will slowly become dented until even grovelling at the feet of strangers I bump into on the footpath isn't going to be taken seriously. Not that that would in the first place.
My point is, would you mind if I just jump back in and write something random, pretending I'm just picking up where I left off, and you can somehow fill in the blanks by giving me a call, or searching for me on wikipedia (NB: I'm under the alias "Minamoto Yoshitsune". Its a name suppression thing).
Would you do that for me?
Thanks, you're a pal. And no, I didn't wait for you answer before I typed this.
Anywhooo, the motivation behind my sudden desire to blog is really quite basic, but I thought it was worth a laugh and to tell the world about, or at least MY world (You hear that? You're my world). I received a mail today from a material company directed to a factory we are using (for those of you who just tuned in, I work for a mid-level Japanese plastic manufacturer). The mail content was generally uneventful, but the last paragraph, defining the point of this "Letter of Assurance", went like this:
Assurance for the end use
We will use the goods for civil use only. We will never use them for the development or the manufacture of weapons for mass destruction such as nuclear, biological or chemical weapons and missiles.
This is how I read it:
We will only use our powers for good. We will never use them for the development or manufacture of weapons of mass destruction (see appended list of potential WMDs we could make with this), or for assisting in the evil schemes of bad guys or their efforts to take over the world.
I mean, its only plastic!? What are they going to do, make explosive Barbie & Ken dolls? I hardly see terrorists flooding the switchboard with calls demanding plastic outer casings for long range missles. The best we could do is manufacture the switches. Hmm. We may well be a high level agent in the axis of evil. Good thing we signed this letter of assurance. Now noone will know we secretly make official Al Qaeda lunchboxes.
I'm off to China next Monday, for a 6 month business trip (I don't think that really counts as a "trip" though, more like a "business live". Should be interesting - I'd love to say that I'll post all sorts of crazy stuff that goes down in industrial China (I'm sure its a barrel of deep-fried monkeys). But sadly, more likely than not I will spend all my time working, getting drunk and procrastinating, like I did with the seamonkeys - and look where it got them: dead. Would you like to be dead as a result of relying too heavily on my blogging? I don't think so. Then may I suggest you don't sit up by the computer waiting for the next instalment. I mean it. Turn off the monitor and go to bed now. You heard me.
But I think that if I apologise now, I'm just going to do it again, and apologise again, and then the integrity of my remorse will slowly become dented until even grovelling at the feet of strangers I bump into on the footpath isn't going to be taken seriously. Not that that would in the first place.
My point is, would you mind if I just jump back in and write something random, pretending I'm just picking up where I left off, and you can somehow fill in the blanks by giving me a call, or searching for me on wikipedia (NB: I'm under the alias "Minamoto Yoshitsune". Its a name suppression thing).
Would you do that for me?
Thanks, you're a pal. And no, I didn't wait for you answer before I typed this.
Anywhooo, the motivation behind my sudden desire to blog is really quite basic, but I thought it was worth a laugh and to tell the world about, or at least MY world (You hear that? You're my world). I received a mail today from a material company directed to a factory we are using (for those of you who just tuned in, I work for a mid-level Japanese plastic manufacturer). The mail content was generally uneventful, but the last paragraph, defining the point of this "Letter of Assurance", went like this:
Assurance for the end use
We will use the goods for civil use only. We will never use them for the development or the manufacture of weapons for mass destruction such as nuclear, biological or chemical weapons and missiles.
This is how I read it:
We will only use our powers for good. We will never use them for the development or manufacture of weapons of mass destruction (see appended list of potential WMDs we could make with this), or for assisting in the evil schemes of bad guys or their efforts to take over the world.
I mean, its only plastic!? What are they going to do, make explosive Barbie & Ken dolls? I hardly see terrorists flooding the switchboard with calls demanding plastic outer casings for long range missles. The best we could do is manufacture the switches. Hmm. We may well be a high level agent in the axis of evil. Good thing we signed this letter of assurance. Now noone will know we secretly make official Al Qaeda lunchboxes.
I'm off to China next Monday, for a 6 month business trip (I don't think that really counts as a "trip" though, more like a "business live". Should be interesting - I'd love to say that I'll post all sorts of crazy stuff that goes down in industrial China (I'm sure its a barrel of deep-fried monkeys). But sadly, more likely than not I will spend all my time working, getting drunk and procrastinating, like I did with the seamonkeys - and look where it got them: dead. Would you like to be dead as a result of relying too heavily on my blogging? I don't think so. Then may I suggest you don't sit up by the computer waiting for the next instalment. I mean it. Turn off the monitor and go to bed now. You heard me.
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