Everything's All White

(Real) Warning: The video below contains large amounts of excited and relieved explicit language.

2.5 years ago, I posted a youtube clip of the friendly between Wales and the All Whites on here. The game itself, played halfway around the world and for no particular trophy, was hardly broadcast about, even in NZ. I think the footage I put up was a TV3 news report - which has since then been taken down for copyright violation. Its nearly impossible to find footage of the game online that wasn't from some bloke's digital camera.

But obscure as it was, that game was a turning point. It was the dawn of Shane Smeltz's blossoming career (he nabbed both goals in a 2-2 draw), another piece in the puzzle that brought us to November 14th, 2009.
Incidentally, Wales was ranked around 20 places higher than us at the time (but to be honest FIFA rankings mean nothing below #50, and not a lot above it either) and sporting such famous names as Ryan Giggs and Craig Bellamy.

New Zealand's World Rank history has some rather unrealistic topography

It was also the first time I really started paying attention to the state of the national game. And suddenly, Wellington got a pro football team. We started seeing more regular appearances of national level footballers. New Zealand qualified for the playoff against the fifth placed Asian team. We nearly beat Italy. We drew with Iraq, previous Asian champions. The team started to look more like a team and less like a bunch of guys flown in to bump into each other on the field.

And now we're going to the World Cup.

When someone asks me about 2009 years on, the heading picture is the first thing that will come to my mind. It's a picture that says Victory. It's a picture that shows joy and excitement. But it's also a picture that says "now, have I got your attention?" Even moreso, "I better damn well."

More than enough has been blogged, spoken and broadcast about the game for me to go into an analysis here, and sadly even the idiotic arguments "the All Whites didn't have to do much to get there, European teams would kill for our route" and "Rugby vs. Soccer: Is New Zealand undergoing a shift in sporting interest?" But it's so refreshing to have all this after a big fat nothing for so long. The media didn't care. The public were ignorant to the whole thing. But now everyone's listening. Mark Paston and Rory Fallon are household names. And I'd take all the overkill in opinionated journalism you can muster if it means football is on NZ's radar. Then someday, maybe not today or tomorrow, you'll be able to read the headline: All Whites 1:0 England/Brazil/Italy/you get the idea.

Sorry, the point of this post was actually to show you the chaos that was our excitement at the moment of NZ's qualification. Sure, it's nothing on what was going on at the stadium, but I think we did them proud.


Go the All Whites.

Megadrive

Warning: This post does not accept game cartridges.

DJ Sega played at Triangle last Friday, coming all the way from Pennsylvania to hit us with the East Coast ish that got the guy onto Diplo's Mad Decent label. The electro junkies at Triangle just didn't know what to do with it - is it hip-hop? is it dubstep? Are his decks skipping?

Baltimore beat (there's probably another term for it, but I'm not very genre-savvy) is indeed unique, but it's not hard to see where it came from. My guess is it's just a tangent of the East Coast hip-hop sound, where a few DJs decided they'd rather screw with samples of other tracks than just lay down a beat for an MC to spit on. The upside is in it's shock value - "hey I love this son-what the hell is he doing to it?!", where the downside is, to be frank, it's a bit repetitive. As soon as you pronounce the bassline, you've got to do more things with it than just boom, boom, b-b-boom. Still, if you can get past that, the key is in hearing Nirvana and Michael chopped to death. That, and wonderful moments like this one below.


The track did get a little bit more expansive with it's sampling, but hardly - so you get the repetition. But the fact that Timmy! is obviously having a brain explosion over a beat is extremely entertaining, to this patron, at least.

The crowd swelled at the start, but slowly dropped off til we had a lot of the dancefloor to ourselves. Shame, really - not often Osaka gets a change of pace like that.

Nice work Sega - now, if you wouldn't mind giving me back my girlfriend before you go...cheers.

Revisited

Warning: Those of you with low tolerance for bad singing should NOT watch the below video.

I've had my 4th group of Kiwi visitors come and go last week, with Caroline & Edwina dragging along a couple of mates and camping out in my spare room for 6 days.
We took the girls along for a long-awaited sesh in the karaoke rooms, with the Energizer Bucky (he just keeps going when he's on the mike) and "Dios" Mio (who is indeed a vocal OMG).
We hit a point 2 hours in with 3 tracks - Bohemian Rhapsody, In The End and Wannabe (yes, we are shameless) where the energy was so high that...well, it's been a long time since karaoke like that. We should have sung "Like a Virgin", because that's how it felt. I even think there was bleeding.

Looking back on the videos, however, is a bit like seeing drunken photos. Did I really look that munted? Or, in this case, did we really sound that bad?
I had a feeling we did - well, that *I* did, as recently I lose my voice after an hour of the 'roke. But I didn't expect we'd sound like sick dogs going down a coal-chute.
Still, this video is very entertaining, if only for Mio's reaction to our stupidity.
Enjoy. At least, don't judge me. More than you already have.

The innocence of youth

Warning: This video may have you smiling and causing your coworkers concern.

I do love my baby nephew. And my lovely sister. And their stupid games.

Not something you see every day

Warning: This post contains footage that may be beat-influenced

Ayoji, aka. Yoji Biomehanika, rocked up to Triangle a week ago as a "secret special guest". Probably the worst kept secret in Osaka, judging by the crowds reaction. The reason he wasn't headlining was purely because he wasn't DJing; evidently the man wanted to try out his guitar skills and didn't feel they were polished enough to do it officially. Good fun all the same - not the most amazing set, but certainly one of the rarer ones you'll see around here.
Here's about a minute of it:

Helicopter

On a backstreet in south Osaka,
the boy stumbled upon the holy grail.

Warning: This post kicks like a mule.

So the older of the youngers came to visit for a few days lately, and much fun was had. So much fun, in fact, that I'm almost glad he left. No way could I keep that schedule up for another week.

Bought a funky new camera for him to use on his travels - a Canon Powershot 910IS (called the SD870IS in America). This is an outdated camera - the 920 came out recently - but the nice thing about that is it was half the price. And to be honest, I don't think the 920 could have been much better.

One of the nice things about it (and there are many) was the superior video quality, blowing my Olympus out of the photo bath. Of course, with great quality comes great megabyte-age, and 100mb per min of film is a little difficult to get up on youtube (especially these days: am I the only one who's noticed how deathly slow uploading is there lately?). However, I was able to get a few vids up over the weekend.

The first of these is at Cafe Absinthe (which I may have mentioned before), where my Israeli bartending friend demonstrates one of the more complicated cocktails on their menu: the Helicopter. Made of (I assume) absinthe & black sambuca, the kick on it is only topped by trying to inhale the remaining fumes afterwards. As Luke's reaction shows, it's not really for the faint of heart.
Cheers.

Deadly on a Mission

Warning: This post begins the backlog.

So there's been a bit going on of late. We had a trip to the States for work (fun but not worth blogging), a trip to Hong Kong (worth blogging), and a bunch of other shenanigans. But for the sake of (belated) chronology, let's cast our minds back to the weekend before Halloween, which was as far as the clubs in Osaka were concerned, was Halloween too.

There was a pub crawl going on in town that myself and some mates attempted to attend, but we had a slight conflict of interest: Alex Metric from Marine Parade (who brought you Adam Freeland and Evil Nine) was playing at Onzieme 11. So we did a bit of both, but in the end the night was all about that.
The pre-gig drinks were at the now-defunct Herb bar, and we bumped into a bunch of trick-or-treaters in the cramped space. Japan is big on Halloween- I'm assuming they might be next after the US and Canada. Not much in the way of pumpkin carving, but they throw one hell of a good club night - probably a bigger evening than New Years, mainly because so many people go to temples on that night instead.

My mate Mark loaned me his rather homo-erotic panther suit, which was hotter than hell and a bit short in the leg department (but extremely comfortable, thanks to the baggy middle). 6,000yen or so from Tokyu Hands. Also, dressing up as a furry animal will get you more attention from women than if you were Brad's stunt double.

Off to Onzieme around 11, though like any good country, the party didn't really get started til after midnight. Call me old-fashioned, but parties that start at 10pm feel a bit like high school socials, while ones that start at 5am are just a bit silly, really. I'd prefer to leave round 4, sleep til 12 and still have half a Sunday before work.

I was completely out of it by the end of the evening (tequila may have played a cameo role), but I was focussed enough to give it a good go on the dancefloor. The guy was nice enough to drop Evil Nine's They Live! (Roger Seventytwo Remix), which kicked as much as I hoped. His own track Deadly on a Mission also went a lot farther live than I had previously given it credit. Finishing on a sweet high with Free Things (Alex Metric Remix) by Infadels was the perfect way to go out.
Videos courtesy of Mio's fantastic little Lumix DMC...



Tried to have a chat with the guy afterwards - genuinely nice young man - but I think I came off sounding like a spaced-out lunatic. I must refrain from trying to meet famous people at 4am when I'm off my face. Doesn't really leave the right impression. Still, we did get pictures out of it.

Full credit to the Gaidai crew who came down for the gig - we had a posse of around 13, the most people I've ever hit an electro event with. Dancefloor domination! Looking forward to the next one - Steve Aoki in December, anyone?Slightly unfocussed? That's us.

Isn't She Lovely

Warning: This post contains some damn good political satire.

Is there anyone out there who doesn't like Tina Fey? She's the best answer to series of so-so SNL regulars of late that I've seen in a while. Sure, Steve Carell is gold at times, but Will Ferrell is so tragic it's no longer even slightly funny, and guys like Dan Fogler are just far too like Chris Farley for me. Even if they do well on the show, so many of them do so badly off it that it's not really much of a "launching pad" anymore.

But Tina shows there is a light at the end of the unamusing tunnel. 30 Rock is a great show - great like Scrubs, Seinfeld and Family Guy in their heydays. It's the best thing to happen to sitcoms since Arrested Development, and the day they decided to cancel Two & A Half Men (not yet, sure, but that day will come, and I'll be there with the ticker tape).
Her debut movie lead Baby Mama didn't rake in the box office results, probably because people probably thought it was a real chick flick rather than a comedy-with-minor-love-story, and it went up against Sex & The City and lost. I saw it on a plane a few weeks ago and it was easily better than Get Smart and probably mildly beat Forgetting Sarah Marshall (which also has some awesome comic talent, but the ultimately doesn't use them to their funny-potential). The story is a little predictable but it's not about that - its the sparks flying between Tina Fey and fellow SNLer Amy Poehler (also the mum in Mean Girls) that is worth the watch. Steve Martin is also possibly the funniest I've seen him ever (possibly because this is not a "Steve Martin movie"). Anyway, Fey vs. Poehler. Successful-but ultimately-way-too-uptight-businesswoman in a surrogate mother relationship with white-trash-party-slut. I don't care who you are, that's funny right there.

Probably though the role that has put Tina's name on everyone's lips this year has been her parody of Republican VP-hopeful (well, she might hope, but we don't) Sarah Palin. Her feminist address with a parodical Hillary Clinton was eerily spot-on, while also hilarious. But it's the "Biden vs. Palin" debate parody SNL aired last week that has me in stitches.

The pretext for the parody is that neither candidate really debated one another, they merely said what they had rehearsed and come there to say. For Biden it was finding ways to attack McCain (a fair strategy, as people are voting for him and Palin doesn't need attacking, she takes her rifle to her own foot quite deftly). In Sarah's case, she'd got all the lines memorised, but seemed to forget she was supposed to adapt them to the question. Nevermind, she delivered them anyway.
Tina nailed Sarah so subtly in this sketch and yet so obviously that its comic genius. It's a pisstake, but it'd be damn hard to argue any point was slander or political smearing. It's also nice to see Biden made fun of too - after all, this isn't about picking sides, this is about laughing at the stupidity of people!

Here's the vid - my mate Eion says he can't load it, but so far he's the only one who's had trouble. Enjoy.


While we're on the topic of SNL, here's one of my favourite sketches from them: "Maraka", the fantastic parodia de Dora. Es muy hilaranta ;)

30 seconds to nowhere

Warning: This post also features stock footage.

Just realised that I hadn't put one of my China vids from a while back on here. So here's a 30 second video of a "factory" in China, which is more like a garage on an unpaved street. The quality is good, but the content is... well, simple. At least its over nice and quick eh?

Alkaline Trio - Help Me

Warning: This post contains better-than-your-average American punk.

So Alkaline Trio have a new album coming out this year, which I'm quite excited about. It's called Agony & Irony and it's due out...July 1 or something. They just released a video for the first single, "Help Me":

The video is really nothing special, though the song is catchy. Nice work.

I know it's a bit tangential, but am I the only one who hears Coldplay's Viva La Vida and thinks it sounds incredibly cheesy? The rest of the album is OK, Cemeteries of London being one of the better tracks, but that violin and his voice are just...far too simple.

To end on a higher, if not particularly new note, you should watch this video. If only for the multiple shots of super-hot Phee the drummer. Ladies and Gentlemen, The Whip, with Trash. Now get out yo' seat an' jump around.

Halfway down, halfway down Nathan Road

Warning: This post features stock footage.

A small clip of walking up Nathan Road in Kowloon, Hong Kong. This is my favourite part of HK - full of tailors who accost you and electronics stores who look legit but I'm sure half their stuff fell off trucks coming out of China. Certainly the price tends to be very haggle-able.
The rest of HK makes me feel like I'm not rich enough - but Nathan Rd doesn't car how much money you've got, as long as you spend some there.

Bicychology

Disclaimer: This analysis of Japanese people is out of focus.

Here's a clip I made a few weeks ago in Shinsaibashi while waiting for a friend. I was sitting down on a not-really-made-for-sitting-down piece of concrete, when I saw two of the several hundred bikes haphazardly parked on the sidewalk had fallen over, blocking a pedestrian throughway. I wanted to get the people going past, so apologies for the lack of focus, but when I finally got it focussed noone went by.

Japanese public culture is expressed more explicitly than you'd think in the 60 seconds I took to film it, as people walking and cycling by would rather queue up to make their way past the obstacle course the bikes pose than take just as long to pick them up and save everyone the hassle. I spent about 10 minutes chuckling to myself at the precession.

I'm the kind of guy who will stop when driving to put right an orange cone that has had one too many and tipped over (or I may steal it). Reason being that while I might drive around it fairly easily, it's going to piss off a lot of people after me, and I'm thinking of the big picture.

But not Japanese. Standing out in public isn't something many people want to do, and no more so when it inconveniences themselves for the good of others. Don't get me wrong: I love Japanese, but their attitude in large groups can be sometimes disappointing.
Having said that, Kiwis in large groups can get a little annoying too. I remember waiting for the Interislander ferry on a day when sailing had been cancelled until 12.30am-ish, and despite the insistent staff members pleading over the intercom, people waiting to get on refused to back up and leave enough room for people getting off. Needless to say there was unnecessary congestion. I can also remember being the age at the time that I had enough frustration boiling in me that I yelled out "For hell's sake, do what he says and back the fuck up!" Sadly the resolve of people who are sick&tired of waiting for a ferry for 12 hours was greater than my vocal limit.

This whole much-ado-about-nothing was classically summed up when the people who finally did pick up the bikes turned out to be the owners. Ha!

Moral of the story? People are sheep. Don't be one. You'll lose my respect (and wind up on my youtube channel).

Shoestrings

Disclaimer: This video post contains frittish filming of noisy machinery. Not recommended for nature-lovers or epileptics.

Got back to Japan today. I've had plenty to blog about, but most of it involves videos or photos, and Chinese internet wasn't being user-friendly when it came to youtube or blogger. Now with the power of Japanese bandwidth, let me hit you with some posting.

Continuing the vein of Chinese factory postings, I visited a factory that make woven products this week. They were nice enough to show us around (I was nice enough to tell them their factory was clean, but they should really stop leaving products outside to collect dust and grime from the air). One of their chief production lines is dedicated to something I wasn't expecting: shoelaces. Don't know if these were Nike or what, but walking into the shoelace manufacturing room was a new experience if there ever was one. Literally hundreds of tiny machines bustling with mechanical motion, carving out repetitive actions that weave the fibres into the fat cord you struggle to knot when you're only 5 years old. As I mention on the video (though you'll struggle to hear me over the commotion, which I feel is the best word for it), "like manic typewriters". It looks down and dirty, but apparently the machines are only between 5 and 10 years old (usually with a lifespan of 15 years). Not stunning, just...mysterious. And kinda scary, in a way. The machines have such activity it feels like there's going to be a mechanical uprising at any minute.

Meanwhile, these guys also make lanyard straps. Which also involves hyperactive machinery. Enjoy.

Koosh!

I'm in China at the moment, on a brief mission to restore peace and order to our production and development. So far it's not going too well. China companies seem to have this disease that compels them to lie about the status of anything. More than anywhere in the world, "I'll believe it when I see it" is a code you have to live by.

After being in China for 6 months last year, I was itching to get some photos from inside the factories, showing exactly what it's like where all the products you know and love are made. You wanna know where that Happy Meal toy has been? I suggest you wash it before little Johnny puts it in his mouth.
Anyway, out of respect for the workers and the factory (and so as not to look like a spy) I refrained. I couldn't find adequate reason to ask permission; saying "I want to show it to the world" was more likely to get everyone a bit antsy.

There is one machine however that I finally plucked up the courage to ask about. Everyone at our supplier knows I'm in love with a particular device that happens to make Koosh balls from time to time, as I've often abandoned what I was checking out when we tour the workshops to stand mesmerised by it. Why do I want to film it? "Because it's just plain awesome." I didn't need to have a reason for this one.

The video doesn't do it justice - spaghetti ropes of elastic twisting around like some rainbow-coloured spinning wheel, it looks to me like it's doing gymnastics. Then a fastening of seatbelts, a flick of the switch, and the spaghetti explodes. Vanishes into thin air, leaving in its place a fun and safe projectile toy. I haven't tried to analyse it too hard, but I still can't figure out exactly what gets cut when it "explodes", nor why that makes it a Koosh ball shape. And I don't care. Frankly its magic to me.

Thanks Hasbro - I hate your attitude towards Scrabulous, but you make some neat toys.

Enjoy.

Finally!

On my third attempt, I finally managed to get this on camera.
It occurs every morning at my company, like many traditionalist companies across Japan.

I'm kinda happy the quality is bad and I don't really infringe on anyone's privacy with it, because after all, I did record it candidly. There's no way they'd agree to let me to if they had known.

Anyway, without further ado I present to you, straight outta the wops in South Osaka, the much awaited (well, by me), Radio-Taisou (aerobics) morning routine!



Check out that soundtrack. That's from dubya dubya two, that is. Nearly 70 years and they still haven't updated that song. Though there are 2 or 3 "movements" to it (the second one is actually kinda scary). Number 1 (featured) is the most famous. There isn't a kid in Japan who doesn't know (and probably loathe) this song.

Can you imagine them trying to get kids to do this in any English speaking country? And yet even 40 year old somewhat-masculine guys here don't complain. Nor do they have any sense of rhythm, as you can see.
FYI, I'm the one who comes down and faces forwards quite far from the camera. You can't see me after everyone closer by arrives.

After the taisou is the morning meeting, which I cut out for boredom/privacy. Move along, nothing to see here.

Yesterday's Shisha in Shinsaibashi

I had work today (being Saturday), which is once-a-month thing. I'm hardly going to let that ruin my Friday nights though.
There's a great bar in Shinsaibashi (the young clubbing area of Osaka, with a primarily Hip-hop/Reggaeton base) called Cafe Absinthe, a bar/cafe that serves the deadly drink for about 9 bucks, in a plethora of different forms. Tastefully done the stuff is nice, but you don't want to lose control when you're working with absinthe. The body has a habit of treating it like paint thinner (which it could be used for).

The place also serves shisha, also known as hookah or a thousand other names depending on the Asian country. All of them refer to the water-based pipe (a "bong" if you're crude) which uses a flavoured mix without the tar and most of the nicotine of tobacco (now this IS a topic I've wiki-ed). More than getting a buzz from the hookah (there is a mild one), its a very social activity, keeping your hands busy and involving interaction while you chat about whatever it is drunk social people talk about. Puppies and rainbows.

Here's some vids of said Shisha smoking:

21 Reasons My Brother Is Cooler Than Me

Speeches from Luke's 21st in November last year:

Start/Mum's greeting:


My speech:


Hopefully I'll add more later.

Lunch Break

The last few weeks work has been slow (hence the sudden burst of blogging), so I thought I'd use the chance to show you how in-the-middle-of-nowhere our factory is, and what I usually do for lunch. I guarantee nothing in terms of how interesting this video is. Apologies for the schizophrenic filming too: most Japanese do not expect you to be wielding a camera in a convenience store.



I'll commentate for it later, and there's also a second half to it, but for now it's bedtime.