Friday, September 04, 2009

My Package


Warning: This post doesn't meet local standard dimensions.

So the folks are coming to Japan, and ipso facto my mother is frantically searching for what chunk of the homeland she can fit in her suitcase to bring over for me. She has a habit of sending whatever she can to me, magazines and chocolate being staple additions. Being 25 this all makes me feel a bit molly-coddled, but she seems to enjoy it, and hey, care-packages are always nice.

But I'm struggling to think about what I want from home. Sure, there's loads of stuff I love when I come back - most of them foods - but a lot of that doesn't travel well. She's promised some baking, which I am looking well forward to. Alcohol-wise, I'm still 2.25 bottles short of finishing the South gin my wonderful friends brought in August. So what else?

Would it be weird if I asked my parents to buy condoms for me?

Yeah, probably would be.

It's just that the Japanese ones tend to be a) made of this rubber that feels more like a small balloon than latex, and as such tends to shun lubrication rather too well, and b) - I'm not bragging, promise - they tend to be a little on the small side.
Without wanting to think too hard about it, I'm sure Japanese cock is more than satisfying, but it does seem to have a median a bit lower than my equipment. TMI, I know.
Just like with low overheads in doorways, I fail to see why they don't just make all condoms longer. A short guy can walk through a tall doorway, but a tall guy has to duck a lower one. A "short" guy can wear a longer rubber, but "longer" guys can't wear shorter ones (without it looking like the cock is wearing a hoodie with exposed midriff - now I KNOW I've gone too far with the mental imagery). Maybe they save a few square cm of materials, but come on.

Rodney recently found some "XL" condoms in the local supermarket, but I'm not sure if I can bring myself to buy protection with an elephant/horse/whale shark on the cover. However is asking Mum to pop down the chemists for 5 packs of Durex really the lesser evil?

I might just wait til I'm home in December.

3 comments:

Jake said...

The lesser evil is asking your friends to send some across to you - avoids Oedipal awkwardness in every sense and we can better handle that particular brand of TMI

Sarah-Rose said...

Oh no. I think you should make sure you ask your mum to bring you some. Definitely. Wouldn't be awkward at all.

Or you know, you could have asked say a friend who was coming over from NZ ... though waiting til November is pretty much the same as waiting til December.

Ingrid said...

This made my day!!