Fuji Rock Festival: The not-so-live blogging experience

Warning: These micro-posts are all on a 6+ day delay.

The cellphone coverage at Naeba Ski Resort (home of the Fuji Rock Festival again this year) was sufficiently patchy, and my interest in the outside world sufficiently minimal that I didn't manage much in the way of live status updates from Fuji.
However I do enjoy live micro-blogging from festivals and events, and in blatant disregard for the fact that this all happened days ago, I'm still going to bring you my report of Fuji Rock in time-stamped, twitter-esque form. Consider it delayed coverage, like if you don't have cable.
Here goes.

Friday, July 24th

[0:15] We're off! Just about to leave Namba, with a packed car and 5 excited passengers. I can't see out the back window for all the luggage. Red Bulls and pumping stereo are ready. Bring on 8 hours of driving!

[4:30] Sunrise and we're making great time. Alex, Yutaka and Kate are passed out in the back, while Mio's keeping me company as we listen to Diplo's Essential Mix from last year and admire the Sea of Japan from the passenger-side window.

[5.40] Some random guy in a van decided to tail me in my blindspot. He looked a little off the boil so we pulled off the highway to lose him. Should be in the mountains by 7am!

[6.50] Good news: Just saw the sign saying 10km to go! Bad news: it's spitting, and a call from Rob (who's already there) says it rained something atrocious last night.

[7.25] We have arrived! And we are immediately greeted by pouring rain. Didn't even start until we were out of the car. Queuing for wristbands. Pain.

[9:00] Tent's are up, but the rain's still coming down. I'm having a nap to make up for missing sleep last night.

[14:20] Down at the White Stage, and Major Lazer roll out in dashing suits with Brazilian dancers dressed in mummy-esque rags (Hottie Cat, I later found out). It's early days in the festival and already everyone's jumping up and down like maniacs

[14:45] Switch & Diplo drop Pon De Floor, and we get a circle going with a bunch of Brits and random Japanese girls. The ground is a slushy mess of muddy clay, and my sandals & legs are caked with it.

[15:05] Dubstep remix of a reggae track from their album. Madness!

[15:15] Walking back through the masses. Alex teaches some Japanese the meaning of the word "choad".

[16.30] Back up at the tent - we chose a spot up the top and jeez it's a mission to walk up. Nice view though, and the privacy is golden. Can hear Lily Allen playing a cover of Womanizer in the distance.

[18:20] Down at the Red Marquee (the only indoor stage, mainly for electronic acts) to see Peaches. She strolls out wearing a puffy jacket that somewhat resembles a peach, and a scary lycra balaclava. Strips out of it by the time she finishes the first song, and says "I'm Peaches, you can call me momo."

[18.50] These Japanese boys go crazy for Peaches. Her haircut is permed on top and shaved at the sides, in a kind of 80s scary lesbian style that goes with her crimson makeup across her eyes. Looking a bit old, but entertaining none the less, especially with her hot guitarist.

[18.55] "Shirts come off, shirts-shirts come off" says Peaches and most of the crowd (well, the male contingent) oblige.

[19:30] Dinner time. Most of the food here looks fantastic. Alex can't stop saying how the festival is "exactly like Glastonbury". Those doner kebabs look fantastic.
Taste even better.

[20:30] Red Marquee is fairly packed out for Simian Mobile Disco. They have their mixers stood up vertically, set into what look like record cases. The 3D feel to it looks like they're tinkering with a model of a building plan. The music is pounding and intense, the crowd responsive in kind.

[22:15] Chilling out in the food court, listening to Oasis blasting out at the Green Stage from across the way. Too packed & muddy to bother heading over there - only those prepared with gumboots and camping chairs can really handle the conditions.

[23:00] Eye from Japanese band The Boredoms starts up the "Planet Groove" all night session in the Red Marquee. He's OK - if The Boredoms themselves were here it would be 1000x more entertaining: those guys have drums. Lots of drums.

Saturday, July 25th

[0:30] Gang Gang Dance are on, and the crowd has swelled. People have been talking to me about these guys all day, but they're just 2 or 3 degrees too hippy-ish for us. Some white guy on stage is wearing what looks like a Tibetan postman's uniform and is holding a white flag made from a rubbish bag tied to an umbrella. The singer is impressive, but old and quite frankly a bit scary. House Jam sounds good, but the rest of the set doesn't go anywhere. It's like LCD Soundsystem in boring slow-motion.

[1:20] Finally, the hippies depart, calling on "Diplo & Switch". Seems it's just Diplo though.

[1:30] Pon De Floor does it's 2nd run of the night. Getting a bit of a vibe on now.

[2:05] Peaches is dancing on a speaker with her hot bassist. Diplo's revving the crowd up with his mike. Typical American DJs - but it's working.

[2:20] Stage is getting crowded: Switch is out there now. Diplo's chugging back red wine from a bottle. His Harder Better Faster Stronger remix gets spun.

[2:25] Diplo rinses out some solid dubstep.

[2:40] Fuck The Pain Away, and Peaches is dancing above the decks now.

[2:50] Diplo: "You guys have no idea what you're in for now." Well, some of us do. Buraka Som Sistema, a la Lisbon! DJ Riot, electronic drums, real drums, 2 MCs (the large Andro and the classy Kalaf Ângelo), and the exceedingly hot and vibrationally-talented MC Blaya.

[3:00] These guys are insane.

[3:05] They just blended in "Rhythm is a dancer"!! Fuck I haven't heard that in forever.

[3:15] Diplo is back on stage. Looks pretty drunk.

[3:20] Buraka just invited a whole bunch of girls up on stage. I thrust Mio over the bar and Kalaf was nice enough to say she was cool to come up. Peaches jumps back on the stage, they fire off some gun full of gold streamers and everyone's going nuts.

[3:30] Diplo has now scaled the lighting frame and is hanging from the ceiling like a monkey 2 metres above the stage. Motherfucker's brachiating.

[3.40] Buraka come to a close - amazing set with everything in it. Ass-shaking, pounding beats, talented MCs and one drunk American stealing the show. Diplo has now brought out a watergun and is shooting the MCs and the crowd - over the equipment of DJ Craze and Klever, who are very politely freaking out about it.

[4.15] Craze & Klever are ripping it up, but its basically more of the same as Diplo's set, with scratching - and we're tired. Let the exodus back up the hill to the tent commence.

[8.30] WTF - suddenly awake, to find the tent is sweltering. Stumble outside - hello sunshine! My happiness is competing heavily with my feeling of sweaty, sleep-deprived, dehydrated exhaustion.

[9.30] Kobo-chan has arrived, so I'll have to go pick him up from the carpark. Oh well - no more sleep for me.

[10.00] Chilling outside the tent - pretty sure I'm getting sunburnt. Bread, tinned tuna and bananas for brekkie.

[11.30] At an onsen just up the road. Heaven is washing away the night before. Alex can't stop saying how having an onsen is "nothing like Glastonbury". Nab a few beers at the combini on the way back and chill with a fairly odd Aussie and his very cool Japanese mate.

[14:30] There are a few bands on but noone big yet, so we'll take the cable car up to the Day Dreaming stage. First: watermelon, and a big bottle of Sangria.

[15:00] Jeez, this gondola is massive. Biggest in Japan, apparently. 20 minute ride up through the mountains - people like ants at the stages below.

[15:15] Christ - just saw some people in a gondola car going the other way, all wearing Doraemon masks. They looked more like hostages than like people enjoying themselves - hilariously unnerving.

[15:30] This stage is amazing! Like we've been transported to some kind of hippie central. Furry characters like pandas and rabbits are skipping after a girl playing a mouth organ. The music is reggae laced with some breaks, with a Japanese MC. Really chilled way to kill the afternoon.

[16:05] Sadly they're finishing at 16:30, and the rain's about to return. Back down the cable car - but not before bumping into our mates from Osaka again. Tequila shots in the gondola on the way back down.

[17:20] Back down at the Green Stage to see Ben Harper. "We're Relentless 7, and we're here to sing the blues."

[17:30] "We're Tim & Mio, and we're here to sit on a groundsheet and sleep away the early evening."

[17:40] Not a single classic Ben Harper track in sight. Looks like he left behind his soul tracks when he joined his new band. Tis a shame - the new sound is good, but not half as fun as last time I saw the guy.

[18:50] Dinner time: Pizza for me. Mio goes with curry with nan.

[19:40] Stroll back to the Green Stage to check out the Kiyoshiro Memorial gig. Perfect timing - Tortoise Matsumoto from the Ulfuls comes on to bash out a soulful tribute. Brings tears to my eyes, and I didn't even know who Kiyoshiro was until today. Matsumoto is all class - lots of passion and a fantastic voice.

[20:00] Hiroto and Mashi from The Blue Hearts come on to do a few tracks. Hiroto is a maniac - always chewing or moving his mouth even when he's not singing. "Rock n Roll will not die!" he proclaims in Japanese. Reminds me of Mick Jagger, perhaps a little uglier but great presence.

[20:15] A big group effort, a montage of Kiyoshiro footage on the big screens, and it's all over, with most of the crowd weeping. Beautiful send-off.

[21:30:] We move a bit closer for Franz Ferdinand. They come on to "Do You Wanna", which is good fun.

[21:50] Bit too many songs we don't know, and we're saving our energy. Nice visuals on the big screens though.

[22:30] Right - they've played "Take Me Out", and it's go time.

[23:00] Red Marquee's "Tribal Circus" tonight- first up: FAKE BLOOD! Being first kind of sucks though, as the crowds haven't really accumulated yet. He's wearing a woodcutter shirt. And he's bald. No way.

[23:05] "Love, it's a weird thing ain't it"

[23:??] Pulls out Sonic C's Stickin', which is about the 3rd time I've heard it this festival. Also pulls Pon De Floor, which seems to be the track of the weekend. Crowd's loving it.

Sunday July 26th

[0:05] "Mars!"

[0:15] Wow, that was over quick. Shame it wasn't a full 2 hours. 80kidz is getting packed, so I think we'll go outside for a break.

[0:45] Some nice drumnbass going on at the Ganban Night Stage - not sure who's playing, as the line-up isn't announced.

[1:00] Fake Blood just rolled up on the Ganban Night Stage! We rush down the front. He's only playing to around 100 people.

[1:30] This set is much more experimental. "I'm Horny" accapella on "Mars".

[1:50] ...and he wraps it up with some fun loops on "Voulez-vous" by Abba. That's more like it. Not as intense due to the crowd size, but a much more satisfying set.

[2:00] Damn, we've missed Bloody Beetroots.

[2:30] Still outside, eating pizza and chilling. Seems a shame to be missing all the music, but it's just as fun in the crowds of the courtyard.

[2:50] Back inside to see The Shoes. They're cranking it - far harder than when I saw them at Summer Sonic. Admittedly, that set was one of the first of the day, whereas this is one of the last.

[3:05] "Ich-ni-san-shi-go, Knock Out!" Sounds like they borrowed the vocalist from 80kidz for a Japanese sample.

[3:15] And to close out the night, Crookers!

[3:30] Fake Blood is dancing like a robotic nazi on their decks.

[4:00] This is turning into a quality set. Down by DZ just got dropped. Dubstep rears its brutish head yet again.

[4:30] Right, I'm spent. Wanted to stick around for Day N Nite, but I think that's enough for one day.

[10:30ish] Last day! Better get up and enjoy it. So tired. Kobo-chan is up and off already.

[11:30] First act I'm keen on is Jimmy Eat World at 15.50, so we spend the morning dancing to electro on Al's speakers and looking like idiots. This feels as much like Fuji Rock as the rest of it. Good times.

[15:00] Pack up most of the stuff and stroll down to the car. It starts pouring down and we seek shelter inside. By the time it stops it's looking hard to make it on time for Jimmy.

[16:30] Lunch: delicious pork on rice.

[18:00] More packing - now we're free to enjoy the evening.

[20:00] Waltz past Fall Out Boy on the way to Animal Collective. FOB sounding so much more sell-out that in years past, when I used to look forward to seeing them.

[20:15] Night lights are looking beautiful.

[20:40] Animal Collective come on. I don't know this band, but I've heard amazing things. Sadly, the things I'm hearing from the actual band aren't as amazing. 10 minutes in and it's obvious this is far too "experimental" (which I find is a polite word for "pretentious and botched attempt at originality").

[20:50] Decide to check out the other half of the festival. Stroll through the boardwalk, where they have hung mirrorballs in the forest. Serene.

[21:30] Chilling at the Orange Court, where Seun Kuti is playing, amid talking about women's "nyash", which seems to mean "ass".

[22:00] Back to the White Stage for the only real act I want to see today: Royksopp!

[22:30] Oh, they're just as awesome as I remember them. Bouncy bouncy fantasy music on a cool evening where the rain has blessedly stayed away. Anneli Drecker is doing the vocals - and the foxy dance moves.

[22:40] Obviously the only Japanese words Torbjørn knows are "Hai!" and "Honto ni arigatogozaimas!", but he uses them to great comic effect. A man after my true heart.

[23:00] After a downbeat, almost unrecognisable variation on What Else is There, Anneli dons an owl costume for Tricky Tricky, the other Karin track. This crowd is nice and fun, if a little tired.

[23:20] A one track encore, and they're done! 10 mins early, too. Sad. Still, stand-out performance from two of the (seemingly) nicest guys in electronic music.

[0:00] Finally make it back to the Green Stage to see Basement Jaxx. The rain may be gone, but the mud! Insanity. Half-wade, half-dance our way across the area. The Jaxx are bringing it fullsteam though, good times all round.

[0:30] Heading back to the car. Sure hope I can drive back safely. Gotta drop Kobo in Tokyo too.

[1.45] Right, everyone's here, we're packed, I've accidentally spilled Red Bull all over my seat, but we're off! Bye, Fuji Rock! See you next year!