Industri-chaos

Warning: This rant, while being mildly educational and occasionally sniping, is probably too "work-related" to be genuinely entertaining. Can you blame me? I worked 85 hours this week.

Let me provide you with some insight on a common misconception about China. What do you know about the country and it's people? Do you figure everyone here who doesn't know kung fu and lives in temples in the mountains is working in a sweat shop, toiling away industriously for pittance a day? Well, you're partly right. Right about the pittance. Right about the toiling. But sometimes I wonder if what they do can be referred to as "work". I mean, labour, sure. But "work" for me sort of indicates a systematic and intelligent approach to a project, with rules and deadlines and...order. Obviously nobody told most of China.

Let me say that I'm only basing what I write on 3 months experience with 4 supplier factories in South East China. To generalise the whole state of the nation on just this would be a mistake, but I still think a lot of it is valid in a lot of the country. China has to be one of the least industrious industrial nations around. You'd be surprised. It's not because they don't work hard, it's because they don't work smart. It's like building a giant brick wall in record speed, only to find you left your car keys on the other side. Ask China. They know a lot about giant walls.

Some of it is people being stupid. We lost production for 2 days in one of our factories at a crucial time. Why? Someone forgot to order the packaging materials. Did you think we were just going to stuff all the products in a duffel bag and carry it to the customers? Here's your (out-of-)order, sirs.
Some of it is just how this funny old country seems to operate. The same factory fuelled our frustrations further the other day, by suddenly reporting
"oh, we're due to increase production, but we don't have electricity..."
I'm sorry? How are you planning to run the machines? On rice (and bad Asian stereotypes)?
Admittedly they couldn't have seen this coming. Or maybe they could have. They had applied to the power company 2 months in advance, asking for more power by the required date. But when they called up to see where it was, they were told they had to wait a month. Warning? None. Options? Well, a healthy bribe was only able to reduce this delay to 10 days. Reduce loss to only around $70,000 in production. So complain to the government or legal system? Ahem. The power company is owned by the government. They ARE the legal system. This is why I love communism. All equal, some deified. Sure, trying to organise the electricity for over a billion people must be a bitch. But that's no reason to change the rules at will.
C'est la vie? Well, if you work here long enough you should be able to pick these things up before they cause you strife. Ask for power "now" one month in advance. Surely this isn't the first time the government has broken promises.

Some of what is going on here is good, it's just done in such an intense an unrealistic way. A factory somewhere else in China was recently exposed to have heavy underage labour. Not the only one probably, but it made waves. Suddenly the local government turned around here and said "Over-16 year olds can be hired, but if they're under 18 they must only work 8 hour, 5 day-weeks, and only day shifts." I agree. But how about some warning? I think everyone would like to know a several weeks beforehand that they are going to have to find 70 new staff.

This week has been a hectic juggle of problems to try to balance product quality with quantity. One factory, scheduling to be making 25,000 units a day by now, are too busy repairing the product molding machines to produce more than 300 pieces. Not that they reported any of their problems to us. Nor is there any real desparation, or intelligent thinking about how to solve this problem. It's as though they figure they'll make what they're supposed to, on the timeline of "eventually". They're sad they're not getting paid yet, but their first reaction is not to solve the problems quicker, but to ask us "can we ask you to pay for all the materials we used to make bad products?" What, so essentially give you money for screwing up? Sure. Let me write you a cheque. I'll sign it "jackass".

Some Chinese are very intelligent. Some work their asses off for little money. But it would appear that there is rarely a combination of these two traits in one person. Which probably makes sense. If I was smart and Chinese, I wouldn't work a crap job for bugger-all either.

Sunset in SE China

Got back to the hotel early enough the other day to catch the sun - usually me and him rarely cross paths during the day. He's there when I wake up, but its always old-marriage stuff; we never get to hang out over a cup of coffee. And by the looks of my white skin, I'd say we are long due for some quality time.

Karaoke, but not as you know it

The view from the hotel this afternoon.
I'd like to thank my mother for my curls.

Sunday afternoon. How much more could I possibly love this time of the week? All my life I used to love Friday night - all the weekend ahead of me; I could do anything and the repurcussions would surely only last til Sunday morning, and I'd still have a day in hand. Admittedly when I was around 10 years old I used to feel anxious on Friday night because we'd have soccer on Saturday morning, and though I loved playing, I used to suck at waiting for the game. I used to pray it would be rained off, so I wouldn't have to deal with the buildup. Which is kinda ironic, because I was then disappointed when game time came around and we couldn't play.

But now Friday night is just like Monday night, just another day before work. Work on Saturday is usually more relaxed, but it's still work. Anyway, back to Sunday afternoon. Sigh. No obligation, except to eat and breathe. I can lie on my bed all day and I'm the only one who will beat myself up for it. I do intend to be productive today, which is what this is, along with a gym session later today. I've never been a gym guy, but I decided its high time I did something about my puny breasts. The training bra must come off. I thought I was bench pressing granny weights, but then I realised the bar itself weighs 20kg, so its slightly more respectable. Still not enough for me to brag about it on here. I hate people who talk about their personal physical prowess, so I'll shut up (mainly because I have nothing to brag about).

Last night I was dragged along to a work dinner, which makes me sound like a brat with no respect, but to be honest if you'd been there and had to deal with the drunken ramblings of 40-something temperamental Japanese guys, you'd have wanted to run screaming yourself. I would rather not talk about it, but makes for interesting reading (I presume), so I might have to write about it in a collective post about Japanese cultural setbacks. I promise it's more than just a whinge.

So 9pm rolled around and we were set free, with the other guys heading off to play billiards with the hotel escorts, and me sneaking away to meet up with friends at karaoke. I say "sneaking" because apparently I'm not allowed. Oh dear, it appears some of the above paragraph is leaking back in here. But it's necessary backstory, so bear with me: My mates here are from a Taiwanese supplier company we are outsourcing at the moment. But business with them is all still at a volatile point, with lots of points of debate between the companies (like production output, and the "m" word... "money", for those of you less subtle). Long story short, my company would prefer we don't get too close to the supplier staff, to maintain professional business relations. I certainly believe in this when it comes to the other 3 suppliers, as I feel they are letting us down. Need to stick pretty firmly to our guns with them. But with these Taiwanese, I think we've achieved a good relationship of mutual respect. Maybe it's safer to guard your hand, but this isn't going to be the company that will dick us over. So, whether it's because I enjoy the good cop role offset against the bad cop that my workmates play, or whether it's just because the Taiwanese are pretty cool guys (I think it's both), I'm not going to let Japanese standards stop me from making friends. Just as long as it doesn't land me in trouble - though even Vincent and the other supplier guys know they shouldn't go telling my workmates about our fraternising.

Chinese karaoke. When I say that, do you think of Rush Hour 2, with Chris Tucker impersonating Michael in front of a crowd of businessmen? Well, now remove that image. Nothing like it. Japanese karaoke is different from Western karaoke because they tend to go with the booth setup - just you and a bunch of mates sitting around getting drunk and hoarse as the night rolls on. Nothing like the movie "Duets" or the K-Club in Wellington. China does this too, but they add another factor: karaoke girls. In fact, in China any private establishment seems to be an excuse to have an escort service. The hotel "sauna" is what is usually referred to as a "gentlemen's club". When I ring up from my room to request a masseus, they always ask "Just a massage sir?" "Yes, just a massage, what do you think I am, sexually frustrated?" Curiousity (and alcohol) got the better of me the other day, and I asked what the alternative was. Asked, not requested. "Why, the Special Service sir." What, like an elite military group? Or a birthday cake brought in with a barbershop quartet? It all sounds quite harmless, so I asked how much this special service might cost. 730RMB, or NZ$123. "Ah, so its sex then," I blurted drunkenly. Thankfully I left it at cutting remarks, and requested "just-a-massage". One thing I don't think I will ever consider as fun is paying for sex.

So in the karaoke you have a room lavished with alcohol (usually red wine or Japanese sake), velvet couches, fruit (melons, lychees, grapes), and girls. The girls tend to be sent in in a line, like a catalogue, and you are supposed to pick and choose one or two girls each to spend the night with. Her job is to snuggle up to the guy, pour his drinks, light his cigarettes (if he smokes, which most guys do), drink when he drinks, laugh when he laughs, dance with him, compliment him if he sings, and generally be the perfect date for the evening. She gets 200RMB for that, and if he's up for it (and has enough money), she goes home with him. She has a bit of a say in it, but I don't think any of the girls ever say no. They tend to value their jobs over their personal comfort.
For my part, I showed up late this time, so I didn't have to go through the painful process of choosing a girl I don't really want. Some guys may think this position of pseudo-superiority is a great power trip (one of Vincent's friends referred to having two girls as "being the emperor"), but to me it all just feels fake. I like talking to chicks, but if they're being paid to talk to me, where's the fun in that? How can you tell if she's really entertained by you? Last time I went through the selection process (mostly not to look like a sour grape, and partly to give it a go so I could justify my opinion). Choosing a girl is hard - saying "you please" effectively says to all the other girls "you're unacceptable". Maybe not that harshly, but surely there's girls who never get picked, and how would that make you feel? Life shouldn't be a constant beauty contest.
In the end I picked a girl who wasn't spectacular, but she looked like she had a slight cynicism about the job, and I decided to make her evening a good one. I figured I pick her she'd get paid for a night without having to perform, like she would if some older Chinese guy chose her. I told her "I don't really want anything from you, other than to relax and have a good evening." Worked out pretty well, and we even shared some humour (including jokes about the whole system) that made for a pretty fun night.

This time around I was too busy singing "Billie Jean" and "Hotel California", along with harassing my drunken friends, to worry about having to tell any of the girls I wasn't interested. I did play dice with a bunch of the girls, who were ridiculous cheaters, but it just made it more amusing. Other highlights included rapping over the top of Chinese songs I didn't know the words to, lending my sunglasses to almost everyone in the room (with mixed results of style), and taking pictures, which I'll post here. All in all, I don't really buy into the whole escort service here, but it doesn't mean I can't have fun. Plus, being the only guy in the room who can sing English songs means I get extra applause, even when I know I stuffed it up royally (word of advice: don't sing Pretty Fly For a White Guy unless you're sure you can do a good Offspring impression, and have the lungs for it).

Me and Vincent big it up.

Keith and Vincent say hi to their mums.

Two of the girls, one of whom needs to give my glasses back.

Vincent breathes style into Chinese pop.

Summer and festivity

[Edit: put a few pics below]

So, what was once every two days has now seemingly turned into once a month. Posting here in China is hard work, I'll have you know - I have to overcome the massive obstacles of bad internet, and the collossus known as "meh, can't be stuffed"-syndrome. Getting home at 11.30pm and usually slightly drunk really isn't a help for the cause. Try telling that to my boss though: "I don't want to go out for dinner, because the world-wide web awaits my written word!" Actually I'd say that, if I thought he understood English.

Before we get back into the "How's China" motif that is my life lately, I thought I'd mention that I was back in Japan recently, albeit for only 3 days. I had to cram nearly 2 months of catching up and chores into a weekend and half a Monday (I spent the other half at work). Luckily I had timed my return perfectly to coincide with the summer festival of my old uni, Osaka University of Foreign Studies ("Gaidai"), in its final year before it merges with the local mammoth, Osaka Uni ("Handai").

This was my third summer festival, and my first one in which it didn't rain. The problem is timing - its placed at the end of the monsoon in Japan (not as extreme as in India and the like, but May-June is certainly the "rainy season"). Any later (in actual "summer") and the students have exams, and then the summer break, when hardly anyone is around. However, this year we got lucky, and the rain didn't make a cameo. Good stuff, seeing as I don't think there's going to be another "Gaidai" festival. Shame really, as you can always rely on arts students to put on a good show (seeing as most of them don't go to class).

Highlights of the day included Mio's flamenco group, one of the few clubs that will survive the merger (Handai doesn't have flamenco, its probably too cultural for them). Japanese doing flamenco sounds a little odd, as would Latinos doing judo or Maoris doing Riverdance. But it works, probably more than if blondes or gingas did it. Japanese still have that darkness (and I don't mean "dark side", I mean like black coffee or dark chocolate), and their beauty is not unlike Latinos. The performance is less "passionate" and more "elegant", but it works, mate.

Mio and Kaori on stage.

Checked out the futsal soccer tournament going on too, and caught up with guys who had graduated and I hadn't seen in ages. Overall the day was full of that: people I hadn't seen in months or years, and all our lives are heading in such different directions that I really don't know when (or if) I'll see most of them again. It was awesome and yet honestly, really depressing. In perspective, I spend insane multiples of time with people at work compared with the amount I even spend with my girlfriend or family. And yet, without trying to sound arrogant, none of the guys in my company deserve more than an hour of my whole life, in my humble opinion. Life is too short as it is, why should I be spending it with people who I can barely stand, and who don't seem to have much time for me? Life is cruel and ironic like that.

Funny, this post was supposed to be about Japanese universities in the summer. But now we've digressed to the flaw of employment. I blame the fact that in the last two weeks all I've really had time for is work, which is why I haven't been able to post this yet. Still, that's how I felt on the day. Like a kid at a candy store with only a dollar and 2 minutes in which to spend it, because the place is about to close down and all the lollies will be burned. That's pretty much my life in a nutshell. Splendour on fast-forward.

The day ended with a bang, as everyone danced the "Bon Odori", the dance for departed souls. Usually I find it kinda cheesy and overrated. But with a few thousand people massed around a stage with a taiko drum, everyone chanting and jumping around, it felt like a rock concert full of friends. Topped off with a mass balloon release, it was a pretty neat sendoff to a university that has been the hub of my social life for the last 3 years. The place won't change, and hears hoping the vibe doesn't either. Famous for the second highest suicide rate in universities in Japan, but the guys and girls that didn't kill themselves were awesome.

A moment of surprise, and everyone accidentally lets go
of their balloons. On purpose.

One of hundreds of self portraits.